Just Random Thoughts

Today instead of going into some philosophical conversation of sorts, I'm just going to ramble a bit.

The first thing I want to say is that if anyone reading this likes to read books and hasn't read it yet - get The Shack, by William P Young. It's a great great great read. It has the potential to be a life changing book, and I really loved it. It brought some seriously insightful things for me to ponder and mull over as well as some comedy, drama, and more. If you haven't read it - definitely try to get your hands on it. It's pretty cheap at B&N and you can find it at the library too. Or get the audio version, as that has a great interview with the author at the end, sharing opinions, inspirations, and more. Great read. What can it hurt to give it a shot?

Anyway. That's enough of that. Today's topic is honesty. I know we are always supposed to be honest... but even with tact and the utmost respect it is totally possible to insult and offend people, isn't it? I believe a couple things on that front... maybe some honesty just isn't worth saying if it doesn't need to be. This is a lesson I'm learning daily, and often Eli helps remind me of it, lol. I'm trying not to offer negative honesty unless directly asked these days. But what about when someone asks you a question directly, and you KNOW the answer(s) will just bring extreme repercussions hurtling in your direction in the form of insults, attacks, whining, crying, blaming...? But the other thing I believe is that if we give an honesty, if we tell someone what we feel or what we believe and we labor to be respectful and considerate in our language and delivery of that truth... then it really does become the other person's responsibility to deal with their own reaction. I can only control me, right? Right. And Lord knows I have a hard enough time managing that sometimes. So I know that I cannot spend all my days worrying about how people will react to the truth, how they will handle themselves... because if they get upset but I've done nothing but be respectful, then they need to deal with their upset, hurt, anger, etc. This I believe firmly.
But my current dilemma is that if someone asks you directly what they've done to keep you from having a relationship with them, and what they can do to fix it... well, this requires you telling them the truth... the truth that most times they don't want to hear. And even bigger an issue is when the person who asks you for this truth is a person who always reacts in anger, rage, pulls out all the stops to hit below the belt and hurt, and tries desperately to make YOU angry in return. The perspective being that everyone is always attacking them, regardless of whether or not they asked the question that got the response they didn't like. So I'm facing this pretty much exact decision. Do I be honest, because honest is a long list of things that need to change, honest is a list of things that can no longer take place in the relationship... and that other person will NOT like it. I can be respectful, but unfortunately in all previous experiences over the last two decades, it has brought attack after attack, insult after insult, whining and crying about how I'm a bad person... a bad person for being honest, a bad person for being tactful, a bad person for being respectful? Of course. And so now... after this same thing happening for years, and after dealing with being verbally attacked time after time after time by someone who refuses to change... I've pretty much lost my desire for being honest to see things change, never mind losing my desire for the relationship itself. But... it remains obvious the relationship was put there by God (you can't exactly ditch family successfully) and it needs to eventually work, but I don't know if I have the strength to even write the list, create the email with a list of things I desperately need changed. It's a tough spot. I want to do the RIGHT thing, but I know I can't do the right thing without very likely getting a really bad reaction in response.

So that's my question... I've sat on it for a while now...
Do I be honest and respectful and hope that God can change someone's heart, that He can change someone from doing things that are so destructive and poisonous to every relationship they ever have?
Or do I just say 'forget it', and be done with it for good? I somehow feel wrong giving up and not even trying, but when you've been trying for so many years, the only way to regain the strength that other person took away from you is to eliminate them from the equation. Sadly that elimination has proven to be a very smart move, and has made my life better. But it will never fully be eliminated so long as the other person still wants a relationship.

It's just time for someone to change... and the more I change in a more peaceful, productive, respectful direction (and it's a really really long and hard process for me to do that)... the more it is obvious I can't be in relationship with those that destroy.

Today's dilemma has been brought to you by the letter T. lol.