Today instead of going into some philosophical conversation of sorts, I'm just going to ramble a bit.
The first thing I want to say is that if anyone reading this likes to read books and hasn't read it yet - get The Shack, by William P Young. It's a great great great read. It has the potential to be a life changing book, and I really loved it. It brought some seriously insightful things for me to ponder and mull over as well as some comedy, drama, and more. If you haven't read it - definitely try to get your hands on it. It's pretty cheap at B&N and you can find it at the library too. Or get the audio version, as that has a great interview with the author at the end, sharing opinions, inspirations, and more. Great read. What can it hurt to give it a shot?
Anyway. That's enough of that. Today's topic is honesty. I know we are always supposed to be honest... but even with tact and the utmost respect it is totally possible to insult and offend people, isn't it? I believe a couple things on that front... maybe some honesty just isn't worth saying if it doesn't need to be. This is a lesson I'm learning daily, and often Eli helps remind me of it, lol. I'm trying not to offer negative honesty unless directly asked these days. But what about when someone asks you a question directly, and you KNOW the answer(s) will just bring extreme repercussions hurtling in your direction in the form of insults, attacks, whining, crying, blaming...? But the other thing I believe is that if we give an honesty, if we tell someone what we feel or what we believe and we labor to be respectful and considerate in our language and delivery of that truth... then it really does become the other person's responsibility to deal with their own reaction. I can only control me, right? Right. And Lord knows I have a hard enough time managing that sometimes. So I know that I cannot spend all my days worrying about how people will react to the truth, how they will handle themselves... because if they get upset but I've done nothing but be respectful, then they need to deal with their upset, hurt, anger, etc. This I believe firmly.
But my current dilemma is that if someone asks you directly what they've done to keep you from having a relationship with them, and what they can do to fix it... well, this requires you telling them the truth... the truth that most times they don't want to hear. And even bigger an issue is when the person who asks you for this truth is a person who always reacts in anger, rage, pulls out all the stops to hit below the belt and hurt, and tries desperately to make YOU angry in return. The perspective being that everyone is always attacking them, regardless of whether or not they asked the question that got the response they didn't like. So I'm facing this pretty much exact decision. Do I be honest, because honest is a long list of things that need to change, honest is a list of things that can no longer take place in the relationship... and that other person will NOT like it. I can be respectful, but unfortunately in all previous experiences over the last two decades, it has brought attack after attack, insult after insult, whining and crying about how I'm a bad person... a bad person for being honest, a bad person for being tactful, a bad person for being respectful? Of course. And so now... after this same thing happening for years, and after dealing with being verbally attacked time after time after time by someone who refuses to change... I've pretty much lost my desire for being honest to see things change, never mind losing my desire for the relationship itself. But... it remains obvious the relationship was put there by God (you can't exactly ditch family successfully) and it needs to eventually work, but I don't know if I have the strength to even write the list, create the email with a list of things I desperately need changed. It's a tough spot. I want to do the RIGHT thing, but I know I can't do the right thing without very likely getting a really bad reaction in response.
So that's my question... I've sat on it for a while now...
Do I be honest and respectful and hope that God can change someone's heart, that He can change someone from doing things that are so destructive and poisonous to every relationship they ever have?
Or do I just say 'forget it', and be done with it for good? I somehow feel wrong giving up and not even trying, but when you've been trying for so many years, the only way to regain the strength that other person took away from you is to eliminate them from the equation. Sadly that elimination has proven to be a very smart move, and has made my life better. But it will never fully be eliminated so long as the other person still wants a relationship.
It's just time for someone to change... and the more I change in a more peaceful, productive, respectful direction (and it's a really really long and hard process for me to do that)... the more it is obvious I can't be in relationship with those that destroy.
Today's dilemma has been brought to you by the letter T. lol.
June 30, 2009
June 25, 2009
Today's Thoughts...
Thinking about Adam & Eve, man & woman, value & purpose...
It is widely known that man puts his value, finds his purpose, and seeks his identity in his work, his career, his accomplishments of that nature... the result of the work he does with his hands.
It is also widely known that woman puts her value, finds her purpose, and seeks her identity in her relationships, her close friends, the cultivating of close intimate friendships and relationships.
I've always heard that in various places, and it's always made sense. But I put something together yesterday...
Man was created from the earth: "the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." (Genesis 2:7).
But woman was created from the man: "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. " (Genesis 2:21-22)
It finally occurred to me that there is a connection between how God created man and woman, and what they (and we) find value in. Man was created of the dust of the earth, and now he finds purpose and identity in his work, in the results of the work he performs with his hands... he was birthed from the earth and finds his purpose in working the earth...
Woman is then taken out of man... an instant relationship is formed in her very creation... and now she finds HER worth and purpose in the relationships she holds with others, with friends and family and especially her husband.
Of course, when both Adam & Eve were created, they were as helpmates and companions... much as they were created to be for God as well. But then enter sin, the relationship is nearly severed. When they were created, all of what they needed was in God... and they found it there. But after they sinned and went against what He had told them... well, then man begins to find his WORTH and PURPOSE and HAPPINESS and IDENTITY... in his work, in the results of what he does with the land that he was birthed from. And woman then begins to find her WORTH and PURPOSE and HAPPINESS and IDENTITY... in her relationship with man, with friend, with family, with everyone.... but not God.
So I see that although I value relationships and often find my identity in them (and yes, it's true, no point in lying - I instinctively do this)... I'm SUPPOSED to find all of that, to find EVERYTHING... in my Creator God.
Although man values his work and finds his identity in accomplishments... he SHOULD also seek his identity in his Creator God.
But it's no wonder that men can feel low and lack good self esteem when their work doesn't meet with praise and thanks (especially from his wife, but that's another blog)... and it's no wonder that women lack self confidence and satisfaction when their relationships aren't going well.
And so Adam and Eve started the chain reaction of running to everything but God, to looking to everything but God... to find self worth and contentment.
At what point do we realize that all of the things we seek from everyTHING and everyONE else can be found in God? And furthermore... perhaps understanding a little more about our life-mates especially can help us to help them. How? For goodness sakes, give your man thanks and praise and gratitude for his hard work... and maybe he'll begin to put more effort and value into your relationship. Give your woman true intimacy, share with her, love her... and maybe she will begin to value your efforts as the provider...
Just some thoughts...
It is widely known that man puts his value, finds his purpose, and seeks his identity in his work, his career, his accomplishments of that nature... the result of the work he does with his hands.
It is also widely known that woman puts her value, finds her purpose, and seeks her identity in her relationships, her close friends, the cultivating of close intimate friendships and relationships.
I've always heard that in various places, and it's always made sense. But I put something together yesterday...
Man was created from the earth: "the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." (Genesis 2:7).
But woman was created from the man: "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. " (Genesis 2:21-22)
It finally occurred to me that there is a connection between how God created man and woman, and what they (and we) find value in. Man was created of the dust of the earth, and now he finds purpose and identity in his work, in the results of the work he performs with his hands... he was birthed from the earth and finds his purpose in working the earth...
Woman is then taken out of man... an instant relationship is formed in her very creation... and now she finds HER worth and purpose in the relationships she holds with others, with friends and family and especially her husband.
Of course, when both Adam & Eve were created, they were as helpmates and companions... much as they were created to be for God as well. But then enter sin, the relationship is nearly severed. When they were created, all of what they needed was in God... and they found it there. But after they sinned and went against what He had told them... well, then man begins to find his WORTH and PURPOSE and HAPPINESS and IDENTITY... in his work, in the results of what he does with the land that he was birthed from. And woman then begins to find her WORTH and PURPOSE and HAPPINESS and IDENTITY... in her relationship with man, with friend, with family, with everyone.... but not God.
So I see that although I value relationships and often find my identity in them (and yes, it's true, no point in lying - I instinctively do this)... I'm SUPPOSED to find all of that, to find EVERYTHING... in my Creator God.
Although man values his work and finds his identity in accomplishments... he SHOULD also seek his identity in his Creator God.
But it's no wonder that men can feel low and lack good self esteem when their work doesn't meet with praise and thanks (especially from his wife, but that's another blog)... and it's no wonder that women lack self confidence and satisfaction when their relationships aren't going well.
And so Adam and Eve started the chain reaction of running to everything but God, to looking to everything but God... to find self worth and contentment.
At what point do we realize that all of the things we seek from everyTHING and everyONE else can be found in God? And furthermore... perhaps understanding a little more about our life-mates especially can help us to help them. How? For goodness sakes, give your man thanks and praise and gratitude for his hard work... and maybe he'll begin to put more effort and value into your relationship. Give your woman true intimacy, share with her, love her... and maybe she will begin to value your efforts as the provider...
Just some thoughts...
June 23, 2009
Thanks to Eli...
I totally forgot about this blog! Not that anyone but me reads it... which is fine. But since Eli started one in attempt to do new projects and things... I think I should post something on mine to not be lazy and slack about my own. Maybe at some point I'll take a cue from him and post a photo or two, but for now I'm going to post the poem I wrote for Lisa & Tim's wedding gift (to go with a photo)... anyone who read this on Facebook will say "repeaaaaat". Oh well.
I feel a little silly taking any credit for this, or even posting it... I didn't write it alone... I had some divine inspiration... but I just feel like sharing because it's important to me... Lisa & Tim got married this past Saturday, and this was what I wrote to go along with their gift (a photo, what else)... it's about sacrifice, compromise, beauty, living for Christ and living for each other... I think our relationship with Christ is about constantly dying to ourselves and living in unity with Him, no matter how hard it is or how horrible we are at it. And I believe that a marriage relationship is about constantly dying to our selves, our single selves, our selfish selves, our independent selves... and living in unity with our spouses...
Die to Self
I die to self,
I live in You.
I die to self,
Please live in me.
I see beauty in my life.
You see beauty in my death.
There lies beauty in transition,
Deny me, seek You.
Die… to self.
There lies beauty in submission,
Deny me, seek You.
Die… to self.
Every day a new step.
Every step a new day.
I see beauty in my life,
You see beauty in my death.
I praise You for Your life in me,
Allowing me to serve.
I praise You for Your life in me,
Allowing me to die… to self.
Serving one another in this promise,
Serving You in our life together.
We die… to ourselves
And we love.
We see beauty in our life,
You see beauty in our death.
(J. Roszkowski, 2009)
Luke 9:23-24 (NIV): Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
I feel a little silly taking any credit for this, or even posting it... I didn't write it alone... I had some divine inspiration... but I just feel like sharing because it's important to me... Lisa & Tim got married this past Saturday, and this was what I wrote to go along with their gift (a photo, what else)... it's about sacrifice, compromise, beauty, living for Christ and living for each other... I think our relationship with Christ is about constantly dying to ourselves and living in unity with Him, no matter how hard it is or how horrible we are at it. And I believe that a marriage relationship is about constantly dying to our selves, our single selves, our selfish selves, our independent selves... and living in unity with our spouses...
Die to Self
I die to self,
I live in You.
I die to self,
Please live in me.
I see beauty in my life.
You see beauty in my death.
There lies beauty in transition,
Deny me, seek You.
Die… to self.
There lies beauty in submission,
Deny me, seek You.
Die… to self.
Every day a new step.
Every step a new day.
I see beauty in my life,
You see beauty in my death.
I praise You for Your life in me,
Allowing me to serve.
I praise You for Your life in me,
Allowing me to die… to self.
Serving one another in this promise,
Serving You in our life together.
We die… to ourselves
And we love.
We see beauty in our life,
You see beauty in our death.
(J. Roszkowski, 2009)
Luke 9:23-24 (NIV): Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
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